Ilgi un dikti domāju par šīm rindiņām, jo kaut kas mani stipri uzrunā, bet kaut kas tomēr dod iekšēju pretestību. Kaut gan protams ir viena daļa no manis, kas dikti gribētu izdzīvot kaut vai vienu gadiņu bez bēdām, es saprotu, ka tas vienkārši nav reāli un iespējami mūsu košā pasaulē un vēl vairāk par to, es pat nezinu vai sirds dziļumos es pat īstenībā to gribētu. Viss spektrs taču ir vajadzīgs, lai mēs dziļi izjustu un piedzīvotu dzīvi kā cilvēkam.
Tomēr man ļoti uzrunā pārējās vēlmes un ieceres - veselība pirmā vietā (un šogad īpaši domāju, kā latviski - veselība ir gan 'health' bet arī izrit no vārda 'wholeness' vai pilnīgums), darba prieks (jā, jā un jā - jo darbs ir darāms tā vai tā, bet ja varam to ar prieku, tad ir pavisam cita piegarša un noskaņa!) un laimes atslēdziņa (kurš tad to nevēlas!). Un es domāju, vai tā laimes atslēdziņa nav saistīta ar to pilno spektru? Ar laimi un bēdām, ar kalniem un lejām, ar to ka citreiz sevi izjūtam kā veselu un pilnīgu un citreiz pa daļinām? Tā ir laime būt cilvēkam - ir un nav, pazudis un atrasts, nebija un beidzot bija. Ja to varam pieņemt, tad varbūt tās bēdas nemaz nav bēdas tā kā iedomājamies, bet vienkārši vēl viens ceļa biedrs, kas mums padara ejamo ceļu košāku.
Par bēdām es biežī domāju bēdīgums ('sadness'), bet tas arī tulkojās angliski kā 'woes', kas arī tuklojas atpkaļ uz latviešu valodu kā 'ciešanas'. Tā tad tur varbūt arī slēpjās tā laimes atslēdziņa. Vai mēs pieņemam savas bēdas un ļaujam tās mums izplūst cauri, norādot to ko tām ir jānorāda un iemācoties kaut ko par sevi, citiem un pasauli, lai papildinātu mūsu pieredzi? Vai mēs tajās ieslīgstam, ilgi nesam sev līdzi un ciešam? Jo tur gan man ir izvēle un tad gan varētu būt iespējami izdzīvot jaunu gadu bez bēdām, ja iet runa par ciešanām. Ļauties uz ieplūšanu un izplūšanu, bez tā ka man visu ir jāstiepj līdzi savā ceļa somā.
I've been mulling over this verse because parts of it resonate deeply but part of it don't sit particularly well with me at first glance. Of course there is one part of me which would love to live an entire year without sadness, but I understand first and foremost that this simply isn't realistic or possible in our bright and colorful world and moreover, if I'm really honest with myself, I'm not sure I would actually want that. It's obvious that we need the whole spectrum to feel and experience life as a human deeply.
Still I find a lot of strength in the rest of the wishes and intentions set out in this verse - firstly, health (and this year I am thinking particularly about how health in Latvian stems from the word 'vesels' or whole, so the literal translation of health is 'wholeness'), joy for work (yes, yes and yes - because we must work one way or another, but if we can do it with joy it has a completely different flavor and essence!) and the key to happiness/good forture (who doesn't want this?!). And I wonder, if maybe the key to happiness isn't linked with the full spectrum? With happiness and sadness, with hills and valleys, with the fact that sometimes we feel ourselves as whole and sometimes we feel ourselves in parts? That is the happiness/good fortune of being human - having and not having, lost and found, didn't have it and finally did have it. If we can accept that, then maybe the sadness isn't quite sorrow as I keep envisioning it, but simply another travel mate, creating and showing me a brighter, more colorful journey.
About sorrow, I usually think sadness, but 'bēdas' also translates into 'woes' and 'suffering'. Maybe this is where the key to happiness/good fortune lies. Do we acknowledge our sadness and let it flow through us, showing us what it needs to show us and learning something about ourselves, others and the world to widen our experience? Or do we drown in the sadness, carrying it with us far longer than helpful and turning it into suffering? Because there I *do* have a choice and then it really might be possible to live an entire year without bēdas, if we are talking about suffering. If we allow it all to flow in and out, without holding onto it and lugging it with us as extra baggage.
Don't pass by, Laimes māte (mother of happiness/good fortune),
On New Year's evey:
Give us the key to happiness/good fortune,
Joy for/through work and health/wholeness,
So that we may live
The new year without sorrow/suffering.
Lai notiek tā!
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